


Bury My Love For You

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Canon Compliant, Heavy Angst, M/M, Missing Scene, Past Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron Is A Mess, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Protective Poe Dameron, Some Humor, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, War is hell, Zorii Bliss & Poe Dameron Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:14:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21889501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: What made Poe become a spice runner?
Relationships: Poe Dameron & Zorii Bliss, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron/Kylo Ren
Comments: 5
Kudos: 46
Collections: Genprompt Bingo Round 17





	Bury My Love For You

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: The way we were - pre-canon 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: My ship can be sunk a thousand times, JJ, and still I will rise again as strong as before. 
> 
> Title from “Moondust” by Jaymes Young.

“We need all the support we can get.”  
  
Even as General Organa said what she did, Poe couldn’t help but feel like his blood had frozen over.   
  
“You can’t do this,” Poe said. “General...Leia...I have done so many things in the name of the New Republic Navy. I stood with you against the First Order when people didn’t take you seriously, but I can’t kill Ben.” A beat. “I won’t.”  
  
The way General Organa looked, she seemed wounded. Pained. Like the idea of killing Ben before was already abhorrent. A mother killing her child, even if her child was all but unrecognizable now.   
  
“I don’t know what will happen,” General Organa said. The way she sounded, she seemed to be trying to prepare herself for the worst. “But please, Poe. Do what you need to...”  
  
 _What I need to._  
  
Poe supposed he could do that. Even if it didn’t align with what the General wanted.   
  
***  
  
Poe didn’t know how far he flew. He wished he could say that he wasn’t somehow a coward, like knowing that Ben had fallen was somehow more important than all the people who had died. There was a kriffing wildfire spreading across the galaxy, and all he was thinking about was the fact that Ben had fallen, and he’d have to kill him.   
  
_Kill him._ Stars, Poe didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to consider it. He didn’t want to think of the moment a blaster bolt or a vibroblade would sink into flesh, and the light would go out of Ben’s eyes. Even the thought made his hand tremble on his blaster, and it wasn’t just the cold of Kijimi that made his hand shake.   
  
How kriffed up was it that Poe had heard about Ben doing the unthinkable, and loved him all the same?   
  
He headed for the cantina. Across the street, there was some sort of argument going, although Poe had no idea what it was about, really. Maybe he was a coward. Maybe.   
  
The cantina was bustling with patrons, people mingling, talking, sharing bits of news from the war. Poe ordered a drink — Kijimi ale — and drank it down like it was some magic tonic that would somehow erase Ben from his mind.   
  
_Too bad you’re not a droid, huh? We can’t all be that lucky._  
  
Even that nagging voice in the back of his mind made Poe want to drink more. He was vaguely aware that he was singing along to the cheesy-as-hell music that was, indeed, in the background. “That’s one for the pain and one for the memory...”  
  
Eventually, the bartender spoke. “Son, I think you’ve had enough to drink.”  
  
“Enough?” Poe slurred. “I’ll tell ya when I think I’ve had enough, ya son of a murglak!”  
  
He didn’t know why he tried to punch the bartender. It was fortunate that he managed to land flat on his cargo hold before all went black.   
  
***  
  
“Ugh...I swear I saw a horror holo like this one...”  
  
So spoke Poe as he woke up in a strange apartment with a woman — a pretty woman, Poe couldn’t help but think. Nice eyes, even if they weren’t Ben’s — standing over him looking distinctly un-amused.   
  
“Oh, I stop you from punching out some poor barkeep doing his job, and somehow I’m a serial killer?” the woman said.   
  
“Oh stars, I did that?” Poe said.   
  
“Yeah. Good thing you can’t punch.”  
  
“Yeah. Good thing.” Kriff, but Poe’s head was hurting. “I’m...not really like this usually. Must have had a lot to drink.”  
  
“I heard you singing before I saw you,” the woman said. “Not a bad voice. Could perform in cantinas if you didn’t just let the alcohol rot your gut.”  
  
Poe nodded. “Thanks...I guess. So...did anything weird happen?”  
  
The woman sighed. “You were unconscious,” she said. “It would almost be cute if it wasn’t so epic in its failure.”  
  
“You got a name, or just a sharp tongue?”  
  
“Zorii,” said the woman. “Zorii Bliss. Let me guess...love trouble?” A beat. “Most people who come in here have the same look you did. Like their galaxy just ended.” Then, “Who were they?”  
  
“His name,” Poe said, “Was Ben.”  
  
Zori whistled. “Must have been one hell of a guy or one hell of a bastard to reduce you to this.”  
  
“Maybe both,” Poe said.   
  
“Either way, I’m sorry,” Zorii said. “I mean, you still fell flat on your back — ”  
  
“I’ll be sure to send him an apology card,” Poe said. “ ‘Sorry for nearly punching you while I was drunk.’” A beat. “I’m Poe. Poe Dameron.”  
  
Zorii whistled again. “Whatever this Ben did to you, it must have been brutal. It’s none of my business, but I say you’re too good for him.”  
  
“He was a good man,” Poe said. “Even when he was struggling every day against the monsters in his head, he was good. Gentle. Kind. Powerful. And...even after he betrayed us...”  
  
Zorii nodded. “First Order boyfriend?”  
  
Poe nodded. Gods, but that hurt.   
  
“I’m sorry,” Zorii said. Then, "So you came here to...get away from your schutta boyfriend?”  
  
“He’s not that,” Poe argued. “But I just want to get away from it. First Order, Resistance...all of it.”  
  
“Anyone would,” Zorii said. “Though my boyfriend didn’t go First Order.”  
  
Her voice was softer now. Poe could appreciate it.   
  
“I’ve been thinking of setting up a job for you,” Zorii said. “Transporting stuff from place to place. Judging from what I heard, you’re one helluva pilot, right?”  
  
Poe smiled faintly. “You bet.”  
  
He could put his piloting skills to good use. Help people, maybe — surely there were supplies that needed to be transported. Even if it was just being a spice runner. At least it would keep him from killing Ben. It was selfish, thinking of people who were dying so Ben could live. And yet killing Ben was something Poe Dameron could never do.


End file.
